Question and Answer

I've always enjoyed reading question and answer posts, because it lets readers, who are so invested emotionally and mentally in other people's lives, find out things that have piqued their curiosity. That being said, I've put off doing one of my own for so long because it seemed like someone else was always in the middle of one and I didn't want to interrupt or copy during their time. Blogging road rules, if you may.

I'm so glad I finally did though, because it helped me see some of the things that are A.) totally unclear about my life to most readers and B.) of interest to alot of you!

I broke up the questions into several categories, and have had a great time thinking through my answers!


Life in the Middle East

Justine asked, "How did you guys discern that God was calling you to move overseas?

You know, God's hand on our lives and His calling for us to move overseas began when we were very young. I was just in middle school and Ian when he was in high school. We had a heart for the nations and we tried to travel and experience the world whenever the opportunity presented itself. Actually, in the very moment Ian asked me out, he reminded me "You know, God is calling me to live overseas, so if this is going anywhere, I would need you to be okay with it." And I was!

What exactly are you guys doing while over there?

Right now, we are studying Arabic. In less than six months (wow!) we will graduate from our 2 year program and move to a bigger city where Ian will be working with a business and leadership consulting firm.

How long will you be there?"

I'm not really sure! We'll at least be here until May of 2013, which was our original 3 year commitment, but we want to be where ever God wants us to be, so that means having an open mind and a willing heart, and NEVER saying that we'll "never live there!" because that would be just where God would lead us to, ha! I can imagine us living here for many more years and I could also imagine us returning to the States, my heart is so torn.

Natalie asked, "I guess I have just always been confused about what you are doing overseas (maybe I missed a post about it somewhere?) I know you are taking classes-what for? Are you working towards a degree? Are you planning to always live there or come back to the states? Are you both students or do you work too? I guess just your life in general haha!"

Natalie, your question made me laugh. So many people have emailed me or left comments asking these same questions. Sometimes I try to be vague, for security reasons, but it ends up confusing people. Some readers from the very beginning knew everything, because I wrote everything, but had to later go back and delete specific things for security purposes.

I hope this helps clears things up. We're here to work in this country and be amung the national people. We're studying Arabic so that we can better communicate with them in their native language. My husband has his master's in International Business and has a job lined up for after language school. Our Arabic classes won't count for any degree, but we will get a certificate of completion that will look great on a resume later on. We are really only doing it to acquire the language.

I'm a stay at home wife and mom, but attend language school for 5 hours a day (does that make me a working mom? part time working mom? I'm not really sure.) But as soon as language school is over, I will be with Grace all of the time!

I hope this helps, and my answer I give most people is this "read between the lines. Go ahead, I give you license to assume a few things about our lives in order to connect some dots."

Emily asked, "How did you feel when you moved away from your family and friends AND how did they handle it?"

Honestly, when we moved away, I was so excited! We had just lived with our parents for 8 straight months and the new found freedom and privacy was wonderful. I've always been an adventurous person and I was ready to face this new adventure head on. We moved from the US to Canada, and from Canada to the Middle East. Just 5 days before moving to the Middle East, we found out we were pregnant, and I think THAT moment is when I really began feeling sadness about not being with my family.

I just could not believe that my baby wouldn't grow up with her grandparents and aunts and uncles doting on her like mine did growing up. I couldn't even imagine what holidays and birthdays would look like, not to mention what normal days would look like.

Our first year overseas was hard, because, like the first year after you have lost a loved one, each new day is the first time you face that day without the ones you love at your side.

And how did our families take it? Ian's parents were always on board, his mom would get sad sometimes, but they fully supported us from the beginning. My parents, always supported us but they wished that they could support us right there in the States, ha! They've accepted it with time and are our biggest supporters and encouragers now.

The rest of our family reacted in different ways. I think my sister and his two brothers reacted similarly, where they tended to pull back and try to disassociate in order to not feel the pain of having your loved one move away.

I had some extended family members who love us and support us, but continually ask when we are coming home, or point out the dangers that they think are prevalent (but really, they aren't, don't believe everything on tv!)

As for my friends, I am constantly shocked at how often and how much I keep up with my friends. I have a group of girls that I grew up with that live close to each other, so I try to talk with one of them a week and get the local news from them, instead of all at once, since their lives tend to overlap. Every once and a while I'll have a 5-6 skype calls on one day and then it will be 3-4 weeks before I hear anything else. I also have another close friend who has done a great job keeping up with us!

Callie asked, "what was the biggest adjustment you had to get used to when you moved over there (aside from being away from family and friends)?"

I think the cultural adjustment of the division of the genders was most difficult to become accustomed to. When I read about this area of the Middle East, I thought I had a good understanding, but when you come out here and see how it works, it's so much more difficult. For the most part men and women aren't together.

Practically speaking, as a woman, it is your job to dress conservatively (high neck, 3/4-long sleeves, shirts that cover your waist, hips, and butt, and pant or skirts that go to the floor and aren't too tight) and there are colors that are supposedly more risque and your hair should really be pulled up in a ponytail or bun.

When out in public, you really shouldn't be making eye contact with strangers of the opposite sex and you very rarely speak to them except for a greeting or a question. Forget about physical contact with the opposite sex- no hand shakes, hand holding, side hugs, full hugs, or smooching!

For the most part your social events are going to be completely segregated. If you go on a visit to a local friend, you would rarely even see a male family member in that part of the house- if you did, they were just passing through and probably won't talk or acknowledge you- not out of unfriendliness, it is just how it is.

I could go on and on about these differences but those are the ones that stand out the most to me.

That was it for the cross cultural questions! Tomorrow will be part two, on family life questions!

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Question and Answer

Cultural Tidbits

*We're entering our first full summer of living in the desert. As the temperatures soar and energy levels plummet, I've been amused with some of my cultural observations lately*

-You know you live in the middle east when you stop by a restaurant for a plate of hummus to-go, and eat it in the car just as you would fries and a shake in the States!

-According to one of my teachers, the best treatment for a baby's stuffy nose? A little olive oil spread on the outside of the baby's nose. This home remedy was also her treatment for baby's constipation.

Only not on the outside of the nose, *cough, cough,* if you know what I mean.

-According to another teacher, the reason her son is in desperate need of a tonsillectomy? He occassionally eats ice cream.

True story.

-On that same note, it is somewhat maddening to see people drinking HOT tea when it is 115 degrees outside. But they truly believe that you must drink only things that are hot when it is hot out, otherwise you will get sick.

-A common phrase here is Insh-Allah (God Willing,) and they use it to literally mean "God willing," or to slip out of making a commitment. Ask if someone will be visiting you soon? You'll most definitely be answered with Insh-Allah. Leaves you wondering if they mean it literally (as in yes! I want to come and will come as long as it is in the will of God!) or if they are saying it to avoid firming up plans, (as in, crap! I really don't want to hang out with this crazy Westerner!)

-One of our male teachers, who happens to be one of Ian's good friends, just found out that he and his wife are expecting.

And when I say "Just," I mean, he was talking with Ian while he was buying the pregnancy test for his wife, got off the phone to purchase, take home, and use, then called Ian right back to let him know the joyous news.

Ian and some of the guys were going to have a celebratory dinner with him at a restaurant, but the teacher called to say a cow had been slaughtered in their honor (naturally,) and that the feast would be at his house.

Awesome.

On a more serious note, I'm so happy for this couple! They suspected infertility issues which is devastating in any culture, but here it might be worse. Societal pressure and family expectations begin only several months after marriage. The blame is placed on a woman if a baby is lost and no matter who has the infertility (the husband or the wife,) the wife is blamed.

-We finished our first full year of language school! Ian scored amazingly well and is at the top of his class. So proud of him. I'm still chugging away, making up for lost time during the end of my pregnancy and maternity leave. I probably only have one more week of lessons before I am officially caught up, but I will take classes all through July to fill in some language gaps. I have made alot of progress though, and I feel like I am alot better at communicating in Arabic!

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Cultural Tidbits

Donkey Brains

I'm not really sure if ya'll will believe me on this or not, so I loaded pictures just so you could see for yourself....

Yesterday, I visited with some local ladies for the first time since Grace was born. They gave Grace several presents, one of them being a toy.

While opening it in front of them, I didn't look too hard at it, just noted that it looked like a "Toy Story," toy and said thank you!

Later, I realized just how wrong I was.

Introducing....



Donkey Brains!

Yes, you read that correctly. The name of the toy is donkey brains.

Donkey. Brains.

Okay, I'll let that one digest for awhile and move on.
Here is the toy, up close and personal. You can see why I thought i was a "Toy Story," toy, as the toy manufacturer has illegally used a picture of Woody and Bullseye. Plus "donkey brains," is in the toy story font!

It's really a white "donkey" (aka, horse with big ears,) with Woody on his back. The donkey's legs move and head and tail sway.

And, according to the front, it lights up! I'm not really sure what part lights up, but I'll leave that to your imagination.

Also, according to the front, it is for 3+ players at a time. They must really be big into sharing around these parts for this one toy to be for 3 players.

But wait, it gets better!

Here is the back of the box....

What? You can't read that tiny print? Here, I'll put it here for you to read. Enjoy!

The knowledge of intellect cartoon donkeys.
Improve children's performing ability.
Develop children's intelligence.
Culticate children's interest and confidence.

(All things are spelled exactly like the box.)

Two things of note:
1.) What does that first sentence mean? Ian and I rolled on the floor laughing, reading "the knowledge of intellect cartoon donkeys." Cracks me up! That's probably how I sound when I try to speak Arabic!
2.) Yes, you read that right. Sentence number four does say culticate, with a C, not a V. I'm not really sure what culticate is, but it has something to do with children's interest and confidence.

Also, this handy little plastic toy claims to increase your child's coordination, visual, creative, and logical associative skills.

Quite the claim from Donkey Brains, don't you think?

And you thought this post was going to be about me eating donkey brains, ha!

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Donkey Brains

Princess

Amidst all of the talk of Egypt, the protests, the violence, the fear, my heart weighs heavily for two things.

One, is for the people of Egypt. Normally known, amongst Arabs anyways, as the happiest of people, you will rarely see one without a smile on their face. Ian and I often can guess a person's ethnicity as Egyptian only by the fact that their grin is from ear to ear. Fear and questions are reigning their life right now and my heart cries out for them to trust not in the government but in the Prince of Peace and the security that He provides.

Two, is for our friends that are workers in Egypt. They have been evacuated to surrounding countries but their hearts remain in Egypt where the people they love remain. Please lift these workers up in your prayers as they struggle with relocation and possible reassignment.

I thought it might be the perfect timing, when so many people are trying to understand the Arab mind, culture, and values, to bring up a book I have read recently.

Well, first, let me preface this by saying I have a TON of books I can recommend to you on this subject, but my favorites are probably "Honor and Shame," and "Foreign to Familiar." I would recommend these to anyone who was coming out to visit us because they are short, sweet, and get right down to the point of what these cultures are based off of.

However, this new book I have read was so intriguing, that despite its title, "Princess: A True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia," by Jean Sasson, Ian read it as soon as I finished.

Source

The book is non fiction but written in an easy to read narrative form and recounts the childhood and adolescence of an actual Saudi Arabian princess.

I'll warn you now. Life is not full of bon-bons and tiaras. The book is dark. The book makes you squirm. The book might even make your heart break for all that she and other women like her have gone through.

The redeeming factors remain in the fact that the book sheds light on a lifestyle that millions of women live every day. "Princess," challenges you to think through concepts that are probably foreign to you, such as early marriages and unequal punishments for men and women for the same misdeed.

The book also give you a good look at Arab history and day to day life that will widen your understanding of the world and the cultures that are not ours.

There are two more books that follow the first book, further looking at her married adult life and then the life of her daughters. I definitely want to read them but have chosen to wait a while in between before tackling them. Like I said, they are dark and they are not something you flippantly read in an afternoon then move on to something light and fluffy. It takes awhile to process and think over, but I definitely think it is worth the time and effort!

This book should widely be available in your area bookstore (or, at least it was when I worked in an American bookstore 2 years ago.)

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Princess

Wedding, Arab Style

A few weeks ago, Ian and I had the chance to attend our first Arab wedding!

We prepared ahead of time by ordering our "traditional dress," to wear, so that we would be more conservative and, honestly, so that we would blend in more.

As a woman, I wore a full outfit underneath of my abiyaa, while Ian had to wear a traditional undershirt and man skirt, underneath of his. Odd.

I had a head covering as well, a shayla, which I only wore when walking into and out of the wedding. I took it off once I was inside. Maybe. I can't actually remember now.

So, let me start out by saying that weddings are a little different here than what we think of as a western wedding.

First, technically the bride and groom are already wed. And have been for probably 6 months to a year. During that time, the groom is working hard to earn enough money to pay for a wedding (yes, it's the groom's job!) and he usually pays about 25,000 dollars for the wedding and anywhere from 2-6,000 dollars on gifts of gold and clothes from the bride. Crazy.

So, the wedding that we attend, is actually more of a reception, than a wedding.

And by "we," I mean, the women are in one location and the men are in a different place.

Also, something that is interesting, is how in the west, we use weddings as ways to honor the bride and groom. Gifts are given, toasts are made, and complete attention is given to all of the traditions surrounding the bride and groom (first dance, cake cutting, etc.)

Here, that is not the case. The wedding is a chance for the groom, or the groom's family to show off how hospitable they are and generous. They know that much will be said about the quality of the food and the amount, so they put a lot of weight into those things. I suppose that is sort of true for American weddings, but, it's not as big of an emphasis.

So. The wedding. Ian went to where the men were all sitting outside, and I walked into a giant tent where the women were. Talk about being conspicuous. Probably close to 200 pairs of eyes were on me and my friend as we walked in and found our seats at a table.

Talk about intimidating.

I just wanted to melt into the background and not be "white," for a minute.

After we sat down with a table of other Americans (it was our teacher getting married, so our entire school was invited,) we sat around trying to talk for about 30-45 minutes. I say "try," because the music was the loudest I have ever had to endure. It was head splitting. I wanted to be four again, covering my ears to keep out the noise.

My theory is that they keep the music so incredibly loud (I've been told it's like that at most Arab weddings,) to keep the women from talking and socializing too much. But that's just my theory.

Then, a whole bunch of worker women brought out giant platters of food and sat one on each table. Yes, I am aware that it looks like a pile of poo on top of rice. Really, though, it is an incredibly tender meat that they smoke in a pit underground for 24 hours. It was good!

No plate, no fork? No problem!

Just use your hands.

I, personally, made a giant mess trying to shovel the rice into my mouth. Usually it is a little moister so you can form a ball and "pop," the ball into your mouth, all using only your right hand (your left hand is, um, unclean.)


Then, our platters were cleaned up, the bride came in, sat down, and the women could go up and greet her/take pictures with her.

About 20 minutes later, the groom and his entourage of men came in. They proceeded down the long walkway through the tent until they got up front, where they stood awkwardly for pictures for about 20 minutes.

Before they came in though, all of the women pulled their head coverings back on.

Here's something to think about. Since the genders are so segregated here, this experience for the groom is one of the most new and overwhelming for them. Not only must they go into a room of more women than they have probably seen in their entire life, but then, after the wedding, they must then live with a woman and interact with a woman, who is not a family member.

True, for most Americans the living with a non family member thing is brand new for our bride and grooms, but imagine never having a friendship with another male, or learning how to interact on a day to day basis with them! Blows your mind when you think about what a lifestyle change it is for them.

Then, it's all over! Not really and traditions (that I saw,) except for the running around with things of incense. I wish I got a picture of that. Basically the bridesmaids had these urns full of burning incense that were putting out a TON of smoke into the tent, and they ran around like banshees trying to get the whole tent smelling 'good.' Then they brought by a hand mixed perfume for you to put on, with the theory that a generous host would have you leaving smelling better than when you came.

Basically, you finish eating, wash your hands, then wait until the bride and groom are seated and then you take off! Though lots of women left as soon as they were done eating.

Ian told me that the men stood around talking for half an hour, the food was brought out on big platters and placed on the ground, and the men ate and left! Ian had to wait around for almost an hour for the women to finish up!
Overall, it was a wonderful experience! I can't wait to go to another so that I can compare with what I saw here!

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Wedding, Arab Style