Surreal

Three and a half years ago (January 25th, 2010,) Ian and I arrived on campus for a two month long training conference before we moved overseas.

Three and a half years ago we had been trying to conceive for nearly 8 months, without success.

Three and a half years ago I spent two months longing and yearning for a child. Every day I would walk behind families with babies and dream of the day when Ian and I would go from a couple to a family.

I would open doors for moms with strollers and procure high chairs in the cafeteria. I pulled off puffy snow coats and clipped together mitten pairs in the coat rooms for families with more kids than there were parents. I babysat for families so they could have date nights. I took hundreds of pictures of children to give to their parents so they would have a good portrait. And I ached, oh I ached, when my friend would slip out of a training to go nurse her infants son.

I wept at the difficulty of getting pregnant. It was so hard.We seemed to be getting no where.

I smiled and hid tears when friends announced their pregnancies and families who we were sharing life with on a daily basis grew right before my eyes.

Today, almost four years later, I stepped foot onto that very campus again.

This time, I had a toddler in front of me and a yearling in my arms. I had to wrangle them through registration and procure our own high chairs in the cafeteria. I balanced three food trays and got straws for cartons of milk.

And I smiled through it all. Because never, in my wildest dreams would I have thought up my family. I never could have picked out a more perfect fit than Grace and Sophia. God's timing in bringing them into our lives was perfect.

It wasn't easy. We had no family around for either of their infancies and Sophia's silent reflux made her first five months torturous, but it was perfect nonetheless.

I was brimming with tears all day and kept turning to Ian saying "Can you believe we are here? Don't you remember the last time we were here? We have TWO babies now!"

I am so thankful that my plans for my life aren't followed, and that instead my Author has His way and can create the most beautiful of stories. I pray that it will bring Him glory one day.

Every night, before the girls go to bed we sing "Gracie's song."

Really, it is just the Doxology, but both girls clap their hands and Gracie can belt out the song to the best of her abilities. I hope they know that they are a blessing, and that we praise God for them every day.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
-Thomas Ken

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

 

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Surreal

Chores for Two Year Olds

 

Grace is two years old (2 years and 4 months old, to be exact.) Without realizing it, we've started giving her normal tasks to do around the house. She loves to be our helper girl and she gets such a sense of pride and accomplishment when she does a task and can contribute to our family.

You can search on pinterest for all sorts of ideas for chores for your kids at any and  all ages, but I thought I would share what is working for us?

Some traits to look for in your two year old are:

Physical ability- can they maneuver themselves safely while doing a task? Grace is confident walking, running, climbing, and carrying things.

Mental ability- can they problem solve? I'm obviously not talking about genius level stuff here, but if they spill a cup of water do they know not to walk through it? Do they know to grab a towel?

Verbal ability- can they communicate if they need help, are frustrated, or are hurt? Grace never stops talking so we knew we would hear "Uh-Oh!" or "HELP!" if something went wrong.

Motivation- Without getting into the educational psychology side of things, how is your two year old motivated? Extrinsically- where they need a verbal praise, sticker chart, or pom poms in a jar? or Intrinsically- where the sheer satisfaction of finishing a job is reward enough? Either one is fine, it will just be helpful to know what motivates your preschooler!

How We Started:

I didn't want to make chore time as something that is separate or special from our every day life. To me, it is what it is. Part of our daily responsibilities. It ebbs and flows and is flexible with what is happening that day. 

So, as I did a chore, I talked it through with Grace if she was tagging along. 

"Look Grace, I'm unloading the silverware. First, I am taking out all of the spoons. Can you hand me that spoon? Great job! Now I'm going to put them in the spoon spot in this drawer. Do you want to go get your stool so you can see into the drawer and help?"

The next time I might open the dishwasher and ask her if she remembers what to do. Maybe I'll prompt her to grab her stool.

Then the time after that I'd just ask "Grace, can you put the silverware in the drawer?"

And just like that a chore is learned

What She Can Do:

(note, Grace is not "young for her age." She doesn't act baby like (though sometimes I miss my baby so much!) and is often thought she is an older 3 because of her height and how she handles herself. This may affect her ability on this list.)

-Unload the silverware (after I have removed the knives)

-Take things to the trash

-Bring small trash bags to me from bathrooms in the house

-Takes dirty clothes to the appropriate hamper

-Lines up shoes (still hasn't mastered the straight line concept, but she tries.)

-Put the pillows on the beds as they are made (though not straight, but it works!)

-Helps move clothes from washer to dryer, or from the dryer to a basket

-Gather hangers from low closet rack

-"Dust" the coffee and end tables with a feather duster.

-Wipes down door knobs with a clorox wipe

-Tries to use a small dust broom and dust pan to clean up crumbs

Most of these chores are done with constant and direct supervision and are usually part of a chore I am doing- but it helps her to feel like she is participating in chore time and, honestly, she is! I can move onto something and she does the final touches on a chore (silverware in the drawer or pillows on the bed!)

They don't happen every day and her attention span is usually less than 10 minutes

It really is amazing how much they can do at such a young age. It's such a wonderful experience to see her accomplish a task that she has set out to do!

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Chores for Two Year Olds

She Will Have Hair

Grace is still bald, at almost 20 months old.

And, I'll be honest, some days I really worry about her conspicuous lack of locks.

I wonder if it will ever grow in, or if she will be bald for life. I wonder if it will be thin and wispy, thick and curly, or just plain crazy. Because, honestly, she has the potential for all three. I am not even sure what color it is going to be (if it is ever to be any color!)

But then I get a glimpse of my future...

Taking away the scissors after she's cut her bangs when she's five,

Getting yelled at while I try to braid her hair when she's eight, like I yelled at my mom when it was too tight,

Crying over that oh so awful preteen haircut,

Taking her to get her first up-do for her eighth grade dance,

Being late to countless events because Gracie can't decide how to wear her hair in high school,

Reminding her that curly hair, if she is so blessed with it, doesn't fair well with graduation caps when she is finishing college,

Peering over her shoulder while the hair stylist styles her hair to perfection for her wedding day,

and pulling her hair up into a pony tail one day, when she is having her own baby.

So, for now, I remind my self to breathe deep.

Savor the moment.

Cuddle her close.

And remember, she will have hair one day, but for today, she is my beautiful, bald, baby girl.

And, for a walk down nostalgia lane, here's a precious video set to the music Gracie, by Ben Folds. My cousin, Kyle, posted this to my facebook wall on the day that we brought Grace home from the hospital and I still cry every time.

Linking up with the Anderson Crew for Embrace the Camera.

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She Will Have Hair

The Second Time Around

First of all, thank you to everyone for your Congratulations and words of encouragement in regards to my pregnancy announcement! I couldn't wait to 'go public' with our announcement but I wanted to wait until the second trimester and then it took awhile to get the word out to our friends and family!

So here's the story on Baby Galloway #2....

Around the time Grace turned four months old, I started missing being pregnant and having a newborn. Ian and I were realistic though, for our situation, and decided to wait until the timeline would line up so that the baby wouldn't be born until after we were done with language school and moved to Abu Dhabi. My cycle hadn't even started back so I was content to enjoy this season of our lives.

When Grace was eight months old, my cycle was normal, I was almost done nursing, and we were ready to start trying. Keeping in mind that it took nearly 13 months of trying (with a couple of months off in the middle,) in order to conceive Grace, we began what we thought would be at least a six month process.

My parents visited at the end of that first month, and on the last day of their visit, I realized I was "late," but only by 2 or 3 days. Ian ran out to the pharmacy and bought two tests and we went to sleep in our hotel thinking that my cycle would start that night and we wouldn't need the tests.

The next morning, February 1st, I woke up and slipped into the hotel bathroom. My mind flashed back to the dozen tests I had taken with Grace, the stress, and the months of disappointment at negative results. I didn't think anything of that morning. I took the test and before I could sit it on the counter next to me, my eyes glanced at the positive result.

I sat there for a minute...shocked. Then I wandered out into our hotel room with a goofy grin on my face. Ian and Grace were snuggling in bed and Grace was doing something cute. Ian looked up, thinking my smile was for Grace, and began telling me what she was doing. I went back and forth between the bathroom and our bedroom in shock, trying to find the words to tell Ian. Finally I slipped into bed beside Ian and Grace and just told him, "Well, we're pregnant!"

Ian wasn't surprised at all (how, I have no idea!) but I was! We spent the morning with my parents at our favorite mall, had lunch at Chili's, and tried to find the perfect moment to tell them. The trouble was, my mom was having stomach issues and kept having to run off to the bathroom, right as I was about to announce the big news! Finally, after doing some shopping for Ian in a Men's Express, we stood in the hallway of the mall deciding where to go next. Figuring this was as good a time as any, I told my parents that we had some news. "I'm pregnant!" They were overjoyed and beyond surprised! It was so special being able to tell them in person! We had told all of our friends and family over Skype with Grace, so this was such a great opportunity and was totally in God's timing!

A week or so later we told Ian's parents on skype. They weren't surprised at all- they had a feeling about it (really? because someone should have let me in on this "feeling" thing, because I had no clue!) I was able to tell my sister and best friends over skype within the next month or so. I told my closest friend here, A, about it on my birthday, February 16th. I was sick with a stomach bug and was feeling just awful. I told her how I wasn't feeling good and she asked if I could be pregnant. Not wanting to lie, I told it "it's possible!" She wanted to immediately go buy a test but I told her that wasn't necessary, because I was pregnant! Her response was alot of hugs, smiles, and yelling "Shut Up!"

I'm fifteen week pregnant now and feeling good! The first trimester was much more difficult than in my pregnancy with Grace. I was nauseous all of the time, had heartburn, and was so exhausted! I didn't have any morning sickness with Grace, but this baby is very different! I found myself craving everything I could not get over here....bacon, bar-b-que, girl scout cookies, dirt cake, and salsa. I even cried over cookies once, when our friends had shared some thin mints with us, because all I wanted to do was eat the entire package! haha.

My doctor was SHOCKED when I walked through the doors to see him at 12 weeks. He had seen on his schedule that I had an appointment, but just figured that I was sick. He had just gotten my file open on his desk when I walked into the room and he turned to look at me with saucer eyes and an open mouth.

I know, I know. My baby wasn't even a year old and I was there for my THREE MONTH appointment. Walking the halls of the hospital was a surreal feeling- I mean, I was just there a year earlier doing the same things for Grace! 

I'm much more relaxed about this pregnancy and have realistic expectations about what I can accomplish. I'll be happy if I am able to get a belly shot and short update once a month. I am not reading the pregnancy books religiously and I'm not worrying about every little bump or strange feeling.

Grace has no idea. And she probably will barely notice a difference when the new baby comes, as she will barely be 18 months old. I'm sure her life will look different, but luckily, with them being so close together, our prayer is that they will be able to be each other's buddy.

We'll find out the gender the last week of May (I don't like this kind of surprise! Why not find out?!) but will probably be going with a gender neutral nursery, so that we can use it again. We'll have to have a second crib as I don't want Grace out of her crib at only 18 months. I already have a color palette and theme picked out and I can't wait to see my thoughts become a reality! We'll decide on a name after we find out the gender, because, honestly, we don't like wasting the energy on agreeing on two names when we only need one!

We're so excited about this little one and can't wait to meet him/her in early October!

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The Second Time Around

Wordless Wednesday

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Wordless Wednesday

Baby Books and Thoughts on Parenting Styles

I have gotten the chance to read through many baby and parenting books over the past couple of months. I won't pretend to be an expert or even half of an expert, because let's face it, I haven't had to "parent," yet at all.

Growing a human may make me a mother, but I don't believe you become a parent until that moment that baby is in your arms.

So, what I am about to say, please take with a grain of salt. I'm stepping out here, stating my opinions in a public forum, but it is my public forum, so I suppose I should do this every once and a while.

Plus, in a couple of years I can either look back and say "Wow, I was really wise!" or "Wow, I was quite the idiot and didn't know what I was talking about!"

Either way, I'm okay with it, because these are some of my thoughts on parenting in regards to what is found in most baby and pregnancy books.

I think I should preface all of this by saying that I have pretty strong opinions when it comes to parenting styles. Probably more than most first time 20 something mothers.

Why? Well it's pretty simple really. I've worked in childcare since I was too young to actually hold a job. And not just in the normal babysitting capacity that most teenage girls do either.

Starting my freshman year of high school I began nannying for a family (Hi "S" family! Miss you!) What a wonderful experience to learn responsibility and dependability. I would go to their house right after my school let out, meet the young girls at the bus stop, take them home, help them with homework, feed them snack, and help them complete chores or projects for the next 3-4 hours. And this was almost always 5 days a week.

Once I could drive, my responsibilities increased and my time with the girls increased as well. I'd drive them to church and cheer practice and 2-3 times a week I would be there through dinner, bath, and bed time.

I stayed with that family until my last day of college. As the girls got older and were able to handle being home by themselves more, my time waned, but I continued to work with them, helping them pick out classes for the following year, keeping track of grades, and helping them focus on what needed to be improved. Along with my college years came their "oh so pleasant," teenage years.

On top of that, I worked for many other families, working 20-25 hours a week in high school and close to 40 hours a week during college (not counting those after the kids go to bed hours.) I loved every minute of it, and the experiences I had let me see families that worked in a variety of different ways. I saw hands off parenting styles and very hands on styles. I saw attachment parenting and I saw what I call "traditional," parenting styles. I saw discipline in many forms and I saw how sleeping habits established early on set the tone for the rest of the child's life.

And best of all, since I was with many of my families for 8+ years, I got to see what worked and what didn't, and not just in the short term. I got to see how decisions affected the children and the dynamics of the families for years to come!

Going into marriage, Ian and I would talk for hours on end of what I had seen, what I liked, what I thought worked, and what we thought would work best for us.

As we started this new job, we've got to have alot of hands on time with other young families, and as a couple we spend hours each week talking about the parenting choices we see and what the pros and cons are. We can see the detrimental effect of many parents' choices probably better than you can see when you are in the situation yourself.

All of that to say. I've been forming these opinions for years, but have also gotten a chance to "try them out," myself and have more than just my teaching background to show for it.

When we first found out we were expecting, while in Canada, mind you, we made a quick trip to the book store and bought "What to Expect When You're Expecting." After all, I had used "What to Expect Before You're Expecting," and had loved it!

This book didn't disappoint, but in many ways, I wish there could be more. More details on baby's week by week development and more images showing what is going on inside of you.

The authors take a somewhat scientific method of explaining without being too medical, and each month is broken down to a somewhat predictable pattern of information.

The biggest downside?

The information can be found, almost word for word, on the website. So, I suppose if you don't mind having the information in your hands, laid out in order, and you don't mind searching around for what you are looking for, use the website!

Source

Then, our friends here lent us a couple of books almost the moment we stepped off of the plane into the Middle East. "The Baby Book" and "Christian Parenting and Childcare" by William and Martha Sears.

Source

Source

I bypassed the first one to first look at the Christian Parenting book.

I, of course, thought that this book would be an instant hit. I was so interested to see how a medical professional fused parenting ideas with the principles that God lays out for us in the Bible. I almost didn't look at it, after realizing that the authors were proponents of Attachment parenting (I am SO not. Not a proponent of co sleeping and attachment parenting in the main aspects it entails and have seen first hand how it effects children later on, but for more on that, please feel free to email me,) but decided to give it a shot anyways.

I become most discouraged, when, addressing opponents of attachment, they asked the question WWJD? and used Isaiah 49:15 as their evidence that this style is most advised by Christ (pp 37.)

Besides taking scripture out of context, I don't believe that asking a rhetorical question about the amount of compassion we should have for one another applies to all concepts of parenting.

Should I have compassion on my child? Absolutely!

Should I train them up in a way that involves discipline? Absolutely!

Does that discipline require making choices that may appear unfeeling (ie, letting a baby "cry it out,") in order to develop coping mechanisms?

Absolutely.

But that wouldn't back their point up, now would it?

I decided that, with their stance on attachment parenting being infused through out all aspects of the book, that this would not be the guide for me.

By the way, the verse

{¹⁵ “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!}

is not talking about the same thing! How would a parent ever "forget," their child, I ask? No, choosing to ignore is not forgetting, but just that, ignoring. I am not a fan of "proof texting," Bible verses to fit your agenda.

So, those books were quickly given back to the lenders. I did actually read much of them, as I think it is important to understand others' point of view and opinion, and I thought these books would be a good chance to see what they had to say, what evidence they claimed, and how they supported their parenting theory. The books had alot of good information, but I thought was very tainted by their Pro-Attachment parenting ideas that it was hard to digest one (the good information,) without the other (the pro-attachment parenting agenda.)

I had also picked this book up while in Canada. I don't know why, I just bought it and put it in our suitcase. I'm sure I've seen it on dozens of bookshelves in homes that I have worked in and I suppose I wanted to see what the fuss was all about.

Source

I loved it. Thought not a complete "parenting guide," I thought this book was perfect for first time parents of an infant. It complimented what I already believed in though, so that is probably why, ha!

Ian and I had already decided we would be raising our children much like our own parents raised us. They raised us in Christ centered homes that honored God first, respected and cherished their spouse second, and had the children at the focus of things lastly. I think this hierarchy puts things into a balance that teaches children early on that they are not, indeed, the center of the universe.

So, the book is claimed to be much too rigid for many families, but I did not take that away at all. In fact, I thought it needed MORE step-by-step, minute-by-minute information, but overall I liked what it had to say.

Teaching your baby how to sleep is of up most importance. Teaching our baby the basic coping methods (how to self soothe, how to calm self, how to relax into sleep,) is very important to us and this book uses actual research evidence to back their claims. Though I think everything should be taken in moderation and flexibility, I love the ideas presented in this book and we will be much more "scheduled parents," than parents who rely on the "demands," and whims of their baby (and later child.)

I will definitely be giving this book another read as we approach my due date (9 weeks! Ahh!) and will have Ian read it over as well. It recommends giving the book to grandparents or other adults that may be around so that they understand what you are doing and why you aren't running in to soothe baby at every whimper, but, after all, this book could have been written by our parents, ha, so I don't think they'll be needing it.

I do wish that we could get it translated into Arabic for our childcare workers that we'll be using later on, ha! (This culture is VERY attachment parenting/demand feeding/co-sleeping type of culture and the children and babies are NO fun to be around, let me tell you.)

I also have read a pregnancy book that breaks it down week by week, which I really liked, but I thought that beside the baby's development the information seemed rather unorganized and out of place at times.

Anyways, that's it! We're very flexible people and we know that every parent chooses to do things for certain reasons. I just believe that some choices are more thought out and deliberate than others, and some consider things further down in the future than others do. I've seen the repercussions of certain parenting choices and they break my heart. I'm sure we won't be perfect parents, and I'm sure some young teenage girl will see us in the future and think "I'll never do THAT!" But that's life!

I hope I didn't step on too many toes, but I'm so glad we have a community where we can respectfully talk about our opinions in such an open way!

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Baby Books and Thoughts on Parenting Styles