Friday, June 5, 2009

Smack Dab In The Middle of Death

How do I get myself into these situations?

I was driving from the house to the bank and back again, a trip that would take less than five minutes, and the first part had gone smoothly.

As in, I had gotten to the bank safe and sound.

Then, Ian's Dad's weird deposit form worked, so that was a great feat.

And then it happened. Turning out of our bank, left onto a divided road, I pulled into the median waiting spot.

Traffic was pretty thick and heavy, especially in the lane I was trying to turn into, and so I had to wait a minute or two.

Which is alright, I'm not an impatient driver (mostly.)

But THEN, I spotted an opening, and I zoomed my little zoom-zoom out into traffic and began trucking along.

The following is what went through my head immediately after I turned into the (slow) traffic.

"Why is this lane so slow?"

"Why is that car in front of my using his emergency light?"

"Oh! The next several cars in front of me have their flashers on. "

"Weird. Must be some sort of accident."

"But why isn't it effecting the right lane?"

"And why is there 20 cars in front of me going 30 mph with their flashers on?"

"And why does the car behind me have their flashers on?"

"And why is there a hearse at the front of this line?"



"I can't get over!!! (the panic is setting in) I need to get over!"

(no car in the right was going as slow as molasses like us, so I couldn't get over. And, as the panic settled, I thought....)

"Eh. Oh well. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. (turn on flashers, relax for the 1/2 mile until your neighborhood entrance.)

I am totally serious. I felt pretty horrible about that, but, in my defense, there wasn't a police escort! So how was I supposed to realize it was an active funeral procession and not just a hearse out for a spin?

Come on now.

Also, I would like to note, that I had to look up how to spell hearse. I thought it was hurse or hurst. My bad.


Kelley said...

oh my goodness! that is too funny! When I was in HS we had off campus lunch. So everyone would race to get out of the thick HS lunch traffic. Well I was sitting a few cars back and no cars were moving, and well I'm not known for my patience, so I started honking. Immediately after that I was informed it was a funeral procession! Eeek! Did I mention that our school was across the street from a cemetery? I felt like such a doofus!

Callie said...

That made me laugh! What are the odds?

katie said...

LOL! Great title for this post... I was thinking it might be like robbery and I was a little nervous to open this one. Sure glad I did.

And about the cuticles... I don't get manicures, well, ever. And my cuticles grow onto my fingers more than most peoples (so I think, haven't actually checked with anyone) so I'm always pushing them back. And once they are back I try to pull them off which sometimes leads to pull too much skin and causing a bleed. It is a terrible habit. But if I carry cuticle nippers with me, then I don't usually bleed and it keeps my fingers, nails, and cuticles looking better.